Call Me Cooper
I’m a horse, so this whole online dating thing seems rather odd. What ever happened to meeting that special someone on a trail ride? Or may be even a chance encounter at the rodeo? But it seems like this day in age, everyone always has their head stuck to a screen, so I thought may be I would give it a shot.
My name is J. W. Coop. I was born on April 11, 2012. I’m a 16h Chestnut Thoroughbred Gelding. My mom was a mare named Eleven North, and my Dad was a Stud named Talent Search. I ran 11 times, and won once. It was pretty awesome, no one thought that I could do it. You know that horse Mr. Discreet that Kelsey always drones on about for that Thoroughbred Makeover thing… I beat him in the one race I won. That’s right buddy, I’ll never let you live that one down!
After I won that race I had this epiphany… What if this racehorse thing isn’t for me…. I know I know, I had won, so why would I think that? But the whole being on the track all the time in that stall, and the other horses boxing me in when I would run… I would tell them, look guys I don’t have anything against you, so why are you trying to invade my bubble? Why can’t I just get a clear trip, wire to wire, to the finish like the day I won? Or even better, can’t racing be like time trials? I really don’t see the need to have us all run in such tight quarters together. I’m not the most rough and tumble kind of guy. Some of those horses are darn intimidating, and who wants to deal with that? Anyway… After I won I was also having some trouble breathing while I would train. So my connections decided that it would be best to operate on my throat. It made breathing easier, and I went on to race still after the surgery. But I’m telling you, I heard this rumor that when we decide we don’t want to race anymore, we get to go to Kelsey’s farm…. so that was it. I set my mind on getting there, and guess where I am now!!!
I got here about a month ago, and the first thing I got to do was go outside! It was AMAZING! After just hanging out for a bit, everyone thought I could be a good a track pony. HELLO! I already told you that having all of those other racehorses in my bubble is not my thing. They are mean and scary and I just want to be friends with everyone. Luckily after seeing me run away from the meanies at feed time a few times Kelsey saw that, and so it was decided that being a pony was not going to be my second career. Phew!!! So, Kelsey started to feel me out and see what I could be good at next. It was a bit like taking one of those compatibility surveys. In my first 10 rides off the track we did the english thing, we did the western thing, we did some obstacles (bridges and dragging logs, ground poles, etc), and we did some trail riding. I really liked trail riding. This girl I didn’t know, her name was Hannah, rode me. I made sure to be super good because Kelsey said she was like family. So even though I had never been on the trail before I was perfect for her. I crossed the creek and walked over all the logs, and stopped and posed for some photos too! One day I even helped teach a big guy who had not much of an idea of what he was doing a bit more about how to ride a horse because Kelsey’s “lesson horse” as she called it was hurt. I could tell he needed some confidence, so I made sure to behave for him too. All of these new things, I loved them all, and I just wanted to keep seeing what else I could do! Then, this week Kelsey came out to the field and jumped on me without a saddle! She took me into the indoor arena while they were taking some pretty neat photos of another horse jumping and I got to stand and watch, and then I cruised around the arena. I was sure to stay nice and smooth as always, even more so because Kelsey didn’t have a saddle on. The girl taking the photos thought I was so cute she even took a bunch of me! I LOVE the camera! So I even showed off a little bit and carried Kelsey around backwards! It was so much fun! Everyone here has been so proud of me. They keep saying that I can do ANYTHING! The other day, Kelsey even called me a WonderBred :)
So you may ask why a horse like me is trying this whole online dating thing. I mean if I’m the best thing since sliced WonderBred then why can’t I find my own person the “normal” way. Well, remember that throat surgery I told you about… It means I have to eat and drink off the ground for the rest of my life… Oh, and this part is kinda embarrassing… Water kinda comes out of my nose when I drink. I know, it’s not the sexiest thing in the world. But you know what, I am the guy that will take care of you no matter what. I’m the guy that will be there when your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you. I’ll let you fall asleep reading a book on my back in the field while I graze… I’ll take you on long trail rides through the woods on nice days, and I’ll cuddle with you in the cross ties when the weather is bad. It will be my goal to always make you smile, and may be one day, when the time is right I’ll make you laugh hard enough so water can come out our noses together.
So if you would like to be my one and only, forever and ever, click here for Kelsey's contact information. She is screening all of my potential suitors, so she will give you an application to fill out to make sure you won’t break my heart. My dowry is $2,500. I believe in only getting married once, so if you want to take me home you will need to sign a right of first refusal, and a no slaughter agreement.
Always and Forever.
J. W. Coop… But you can Call me Cooper.